måndag 28 september 2009

Inspiration overflow

Sometimes we're so lucky in life to meet people that really get us going. No, NOT sexually (at least not only...). I mean intellectually. Professionally. Some people have the gift of making us feel better, smarter, more energized, and just simply better about ourselves.
I feel sorry for all the bosses out there, who haven't realized the power of boosting people around them. Who think that compliments, constructive criticism and believing in somebody is for pussies, and something you can just stop or ignore doing when something else feels more important. You're wrong. Lots of potential hibernates or goes extinct because it's not acknowledged.

I already mentioned Jenny last week, this amazing Lady who gave my brains major vitamin injections. I enjoyed and clung on to every little ounce of that boost for as long as I possibly could, and just thinking of her way of being makes me feel calm and inspired in environments that don't really boost those states of mind. On her web page it says she leaves you in love with your own brains. I think that's what happened to me. (Think I'll have to stay single for another while...)


One of Jenny's brain boosting books, can be purchased from her web page Audiva.se


On Friday last week my brain got another cool ride. Maybe not as reviving as jenny's classes as such, I was so freakin' tired after that day, but nonetheless extremely inspiring. This time the cred goes to Martin. He works as "head coach" (meaning he trains HEADS, not bodies, except his own), and has helped athletes, businessmen, golfers, race drivers, and other kind of people. That guy could TALK! No, COMMUNICATE. With all senses, to all senses. I've never seen anything or anyone like him, and I realized that this is about as smart as they come, and as skillful one can get within this area of NLP. Henrik, our head teacher, really did a great job putting this education together, and choosing co-teachers. Those three are marvellous. Best damn thing I ever did, signing up for this!


Yesterday this wonderful week caught up with me. I was more tired than I could remember being in ages. My head just simply would not co-operate. But it doesn't matter. It's awake, it's alive. I feel awake and alive. Like I just want to jump and scream so I could put all the energy somewhere. I can't even begin to imagine what life could be if I could feel like this at least half of it. I think I know where I have to go to get that. In short time I will. And the best of it all; I still have 13 days of this education, to get lifted, inspired and boosted to the maximum.

onsdag 23 september 2009

Smart, smarter...

The past two days I've had the honor to be the student of a lady named Jenny. She was one of the most captivating personalities I've ever had the chance to behold in a teacher's position. When my eye-lids almost fell down from all migraine medicins I had to stuff my poor face with today, she managed to keep me awake and interested. Such energy... I wish I could borrow half of it sometimes.

Jenny is teaching at the NLP course I'm taking, and she's also vice president of Mensa Sweden. The "only" requirement for membership for this little group of people is to belong to the top 2 % of the population when scoring your IQ test. Easy peasy Japaneasy..? Maybe...

I couldn't help myself, so I did the "test-test" on their web page. I did good with that one, anyway. Sometimes I've played with the idea of going for the REAL test. Yeah, the standardized one with tons of reference data. But then I sometimes feel like I haven't done anything mind stimulating these past years, not really challenged the gray ones up there. Maybe my brain's stopped functioning like it once did? Maybe I've lost my edge? But meeting Jenny made me wonder... What if..? Could I really..? I think I must try for it one day. But I keep thinking about stories like the one of a friend's friend who couldn't find his way to the test... And he's REALLY clever!

But, that's him. I'm me. Maybe I could actually pull it off. That would be like... WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!

söndag 20 september 2009

I declare war on sugar!

I feel I've come a long way on my path towards a healthier lifestyle. Of course one can always improve, and here comes my next challenge:

From tomorrow I will start a sugarfree life. And get rid of unnecessary fast carbs! Honey in my tea, and whatever small amounts of sugar may slip by in some foods (no, drenched in honey or syrup is NOT ok...), may be accepted, but NO:
  • sweets
  • sugar in tea/coffee/etc.
  • fruit yoghurts with sugar
  • marmelades
  • syrup bread
  • cookies, cakes, pancakes...
  • ice cream
  • white bread (rye bread is still ok, but the REAL one from Fazer, not some whey flour shit with three grains of rye...)
I'm sure this list will get longer. And that I will suffer from "sugar cold turkey" every now and then. The bestest Gaia has been instructed to punch me if I try cheating. I asked her, because I think she actually would do it.

This is my last real problem food (etc...) wise. Sugar. Some times no problems, some other times huuuuuuuge cravings. Today I declade war on sugar and I shall win!

Salander ingen riktig kvinna

Jag höll ju på att skratta mig fördärvad över artikeln där man konstaterar att en kvinnlig läkare och psykoterapeut anser att Stieg Larssons populära romanfigur (och mitt livs förälskelse om hon var verklig) Lisbeth Salander inte är kvinnlig. Enligt denna Rigmor Robert (bara namnet låter som virkade spetsdukar, medlemskap i Kd och viktoriansk (a)sexualsyn...) förhåller det sig såhär: "I verkliga livet är våldbenägna kvinnor varken it-snillen, mästare i marchal arts eller flitiga i matematik. De brukar vara impulsdrivna, kan ha testat droger och ingå i ett gäng. Kvinnliga sekt- eller terrortorpeder, som Hanadi Jaradat eller barnflickan i Knutby, är inte som Lisbeth Salander ute efter revansch för egen del. De är troende och beordrade att döda för en påstått hård Gud i ett himmelskt dödsrike."
(Det stavas MARTIAL arts... [min kommentar])

Hon skriver också:
"Man ska inte fastna i schabloner om kön och könsroller. Men faktum är att unga kvinnor enligt utvecklingshistorien förbereds på att ge närhet, näring och beskydd till små barn. För nästa generation är mammans försiktighetsprincip och känslighet mer funktionell än risktagande med lust till revansch och triumf. Lisbeth Salanders karaktär är inte kvinnlig."

Jotack, jag känner verkligen inte igen mig i bilden av en riktig kvinna enligt Rigmor. Jag har inga sådana känslor. Jag har ingen lust att skaffa barn och vårda och nära in absurdum. Det är en förlegad bild som fortfarande är förhärskande i samhället, och det är den bilden som gjort att kvinnor som jag själv, smarta, driftiga och karriärorienterade, inte anses vara "riktiga kvinnor". Får Rigmor hicka, tro, när jag berättar att thaiboxning varit mitt livs passion? Hon kanske tror jag hittar på? Skulle hon klara av att ta in att jag har ett IQ klart över snittet, men älskar att skjuta skarpt? Jag har inga övergrepp eller svårare kränkningar i mitt bagage. Vad gick fel? Mamma kanske inte heller är någon riktig kvinna, då hon inte lärde mig att bli en? Shame on her?

Rigmor och Anna Anka verkar förresten ha en del drag gemensamt; den dogmatiska enkelspåriga synen på vad som är "kvinnligt". Undrar om Rigmor håller med Anna om allt, som att mannen ska få sin avsugning när han vill ha den, eller så får man skylla sig själv om han är otrogen..? Båda är i alla fall helt övertygade om att de har rätt om hur en kvinna ska vara och bete sig. Bådas kvinnosyn skrämmer mig. Hur kvinnligt Anna Anka tycker att det är att ha åkt dit för att ha misshandlat sin man framgår inte av de grodor hon hävt ur sig i media hittills.

Jag är på det hela taget mer orolig för denna Rigmors verklighetsförankring än Salanders karaktär. Bortsett från att hon ojar sig över en ROMANfigurs karaktär (Pippi t ex är ju extremt trovärdig också...), så verkar hon inte ha någon som helst förståelse för att hennes kurs- och facklitteratur till stor del bygger på genomsnitt och typfall, vilket utesluter väldigt mycket individuell variation från det som skrivs ner. Människor är mer mångfacetterade än så. Jag tycker synd om Rigmors patienter om alla ska klämmas in i hennes lilla mall. Författaren till artikeln i Aftonbladet, Anna Sofia Andersson, ställer sig till slut frågan om det finns en och annan Lisbeth-figur därute som hånflinar med sina svarta läppar åt påståendet om att kvinnliga våldsbenägna hacker-genier inte finns. Inte i Rigmors böcker...


Hennes slutknorr, krystad, kletig och helt onödig, där hon i sin artikel om Salander skriver: "Det kan vara skönt att tycka riktigt synd om någon på avstånd. En sargad Lisbeth Salander, en utanförstående flicka med svavelstickor eller Jesus som lider för alla på korset. Man får släppa fram egna tårar och känslor som måste läggas under lock i det dagliga slitet. Det kan också vara skönt att leva sig in i hur offret reser sig, ger igen och vinner seger." blir bara så platt. Jag tycker inte synd om Salander. Hon är en överlevare och en vinnare. Maskrosbarnens drottning på många sätt. Offer? Det är kvinnorna i Marianne Keyes romaner, som aldrig kan ta tag i sina liv och bli lyckliga utan att blanda in en man. Det är tragiskt och ömkansvärt enligt min syn att se det. Leva genom andra... No thanks. Leva samman, ja. Leva för att leva samman eller för någon annan? Nope!

Maria Jinx Larsson
diskuterar i sin blogg ifall Lisbeth är så osannolik, och jämför med den enligt henne (håller med) ännu mer osannolika Carrie Bradshaw, som blivit förebild för massor av kvinnor. Carries ytliga värld med shoppoholicismen som religion är nog inte helt sund. Salander står i alla fall på egna ben.

SolnattQ noterar att kvinnor som brukar våld inte passar i människors medvetanden, och inte heller Rigmors. De anses helt enkelt vara så extremt utanför den normala bilden av kvinnan (därmed inte sagt att normalbilden är vare sig vettig eller rättvisande) att folk inte klarar av att ta in förekomsten. Amen. Våga inte rubba folks snäva syn på livet. Det blir ju läskigt ju.

onsdag 16 september 2009

Me lub my PT!!!

Today was my ninth time with my PT Fredrika at the gym. And we concluded, that she's helped me to get real far! When I started seeing her, I just asked for help with food and weight loss. This was January the 9th. On the 29th she already had me booked at the gym, though I was very sceptical. I had just dislocated both shoulder joints during a body pump *!!!* class (lifting off the weights after squats), and was more then cautious and quite unwilling to risk hurting myself even more.

We started out with ~2kg for shoulders and 4kg for pec training, because I was terrified about the possibility to damage myself even more. Lats pull down ~20kg (pain and cramps as result the first times...), seated row the same amount. For some reason I was also terribly reluctant to do leg training. I think I found that boring. At this time I weighed about 69-70kgs and my waist measured 76cm.

The effects of the past 8 months:

I have lost a total of 5kgs, and 5cm around my waist, and 5-6% of my body fat

I do squats with 70kg, and static lunges with 80kg in the Smith

Lat pull downs now 35-40kgs

Shoulder presses with 8kgs (AND NO PAIN!!!), and my winging scapulas have settled against my rib cage again

My cardio status is the same as when I was 19 and trained 2-3hrs a day and competed in taekwondo

I actually SEE the line between lats and obliiques from behind (didn't even know there WAS such a line to gain) instead av what I used to refer to as my "chips waist"

I fit into all my beloved skirts I thought I'd have to say goodbye to...

So, Fredrika, this darling girl, has managed to inspire me to lead a life that finally got me here. I can only thank her thousands of times, and of course pay for her time. ;) She's worth every crown I spent on her. *!!!* And the best of it all, her advice have always been "human", i.e. not "extreme diets-no fat-just power bars" but "Eat good, real and healthy foods!!!". It totally made everything easier.

A bunch of other people are to thank too for making this possible, and most of all pleasant. My extremely inspiring and most beloved friends Centi and Gaia have been good to have around, both for motivation and inspiration during these months. And all the wonderful instructors as Sportlife!!! You make me wanna come and train every day. Markus, Caroline, Martina, Annica, Pernilla, Anna and Richard, the NEW star (star indeed, I laughed MAO), who brought us this:



We had cool down at Richard's Body Combat class to this, with the weirdest Maori dance, haka, that gave us red elbows and thies... Now my favourite classes are Anna's box on Tuesdays (But PLLLLLLLZZZZZZ make it 75 mins, I second Gaia in that), and Richard's Body Combat for weirdos on Saturdays ;P.

I also have to mention the nicest receptionists in town, Julia and Josefin, and the others I can't remember the names of. You all make my training such a pleasure, and make me keep up with the good work.

THANKS!

torsdag 10 september 2009

Straight, up-front communication not wanted

For many years I wondered what I was doing wrong, and why people seemes to constantly misunderstand my agendas and what I was talking about.

This is a subject I penetrated with Gaia a while back, and since then we've spent a lot of time discussing this. We realized, that bth of us like to say what we think and mean. And we both have thought this would be a good thing, leaving nothing or very little to guessing. You know, ASSUME makes Ass out of U and Me. But we've come to realize that people don't know how to communicate like this. They expect to be left guessing. And when I say "But I told you THIS and THIS." they say, "Oh, but I thought you meant THAT and THAT.". "But I said THIS.". "I know, but I still thought you might have meant THAT.". HELLO?!?! What is this? Why can't anyone interprate a straight line of up-front communication?

First. I think, people aren't used to this. Second, it's a bit scary to have people constantly announcing their correct status. Sometimes, a little self-deception feels good to the ego, I guess. Not knowing and not really wanting to know sometimes overrides the necessity of actually KNOWING and making decisions based on facts, not assumptions.

Then, there is this part about solving conflicts. Me and Gaia are now the REALLY creepy and scary ones, lifting conflicts to the surface in this country of "We do not acknowledge conflicts, nor solve them. We pretend everything is fine, and talk behind eachother's backs instead.". To face someone who actually wants to solve things means you have to handle the shit. Most people seem to avoid that in absurdum. No wonder most friendships, relationships and social groups have problems staying together. We have decided nothing can come between and ruin our friendship bonds in this group. That means, as disturbing as it may seem to some, that we COMMUNICATE. Not slander, not back stab. But communicate face to face.

People say we're bitchy, scary and complicated. But hey, we're the ones who stayed friends for very long, and managed to keep the boat floating. And the communication also provides a safety net as we catch those who don't feel that good at the moment very fast before they fall. And we defend against people who come to destroy and disturb by having open communication. No guessing, just up-front talking. More people should try it.

onsdag 9 september 2009

Photoshoot @Delsjön

Photo: Christian Malmborg

Photo: Pia Nyström

Photo: Pia Nyström

Photo: Pia Nyström

Photo: Pia Nyström

Photo: Christian Malmborg

Photo: Christian Malmborg

Photo: Christian Malmborg

tisdag 8 september 2009

New training stuff

I've made some investments in my training this week. New gloves, and new shooooooeeeeeees. Yes, shoes, no matter the reason for buying them, always makes a girl a little happier.

The new shoes, now introduced at Anna's box class this afternoon

The mandatory gloves to protect my hands from becoming
hard and "un-feminine" when lifting weights *LOL*

måndag 7 september 2009

Intrigues and games... I'm out of here

Sometimes I fall into the trap of giving people the benefit of a doubt. I try to not judge too hard, and to give people a second chance if their offense wasn't of the graver sort. Lately I've come to doubt this way of thinking. Why? Because I've been kind, I've tried to be just and understanding, and have ended up in weird games played around me, and at me. I had a long chat with bestest and most supporting Gaia about all this, and decided I needed to cut some elemets out of my life to avoid further complications, games and drama out-bursts.

What amazes me the most is that some people obviously completely lack all kinds of sense for taking responsibility for their actions. They always present [in their own eyes] the perfect excuse. The latest one almost knocked me over; "Somebody should have stopped me, if they felt I was behaving in an inappropriate manner.". YEAH RIGHT! After passing the age of 18 one can vote in this country. It means you're entrusted with some sort of capability of mind. And that there should be some sort of filter, through which one processes impulses before they become actions.

I can't say anything, but that from now on I really shall trust my gut about people. My gut feeling will future wise override "nice" (and my approximations of nice... ref. 'Wolverine'). It really pays off to trust those whiskers and the information they bring to you about your surroundings. And always trust the non-verbal message, when presented with conflicting information. *writing it down 10 000 times*

torsdag 3 september 2009

Försäkringskassan- din fiende

Alltså... Jag är för att sänka sjuktalen. Folk ska inte gömmas undan med sjukpenning för att man inte orkat eller brytt sig om att fixa med rehabilitering. Men man kan inte sänka talen genom att blint omdefiniera människor från sjuk till frisk utan att erbjuda rimliga övergångsalternativ och riktig rehabilitering!
Jag möter dessa nyfriskförklarade dagligen, och jag kan bara skratta (eller egentligen vill jag mest gråta...) åt dessa orimliga regler. Många kan verkligen inte arbeta. De är sönder och har gått så i flera, flera år under tiden då man bara sjukskrevs allt längre, utan att få behandling eller hjälp. Sen plötsligt från en dag till en annan är de "friska"... Varken kropp eller knopp hänger med i det tempot! Men med lite smidig pappersexercis blir man plötsligt arbetssökande och frisk. Tänk om det verkligen vore så enkelt. De flesta av dem jag träffar i jobbet skulle JUBLA om det verkligen gick att bota dem med att skriva under ett papper.

En patient förklarade att han för överraskad för att hans handläggare stod på hans sida när han mötte arbetsgivaren och facket. Han hade förväntat sig mothugg från chefen, hugg i ryggen från FK och fackets stöd, och var så otroligt förvånad över att han fick STÖD från FK istället. Det säger väl en hel del?

Aftonbladet har en artikel om detta idag, och skriver att förtroende för FK är lågt. NO SHIT?!?! Jag tror inte onda människor jobbar där. Däremot utmattade, desillusionerade och stressade människor som med strama tyglar och för liten ekonomi ska rodda runt de som behöver stöd mest av alla i samhället. Vi har den förra regeringen att tacka för antalet obehandlade sjukskrivna, och också en hel del av förhållandena inom FK. Men jag tänker inte påstå att jag tycker de blå imponerat med insikter eller sans i fråga om att hantera problemet. När det kommer till ryktet för den blå falangen som elitister utan hjärta har verkligen belackarna fått vatten på sina kvarnar när man ser till vad FK fått för direktiv.

Förstår också att folk irriterar ihjäl sig på att det finns "Über-Läkare" inom FK som utifrån papper bedömer andra läkares (som faktiskt TRÄFFAT patienten) sjukskrivningar. Min gamla chef, som jag med flera bedömde som narcissistisk med tydliga psykopatdrag, har länge jobbat som bedömningsläkare åt FK. Han har vad jag vet aldrig godkänt en skada för ersättning eller något annat syfte, för han tror inte på smärta. Han har ju också haft ont, och kunde jobba, så därför kan alla. Jajamen, en sådan kille sitter och fattar beslut om mina patienters, och många andras framtid. Jag blir mörkrädd på riktigt.

Förskingringskassan?

När ska vi få ett system som fungerar på riktigt? Vi får väl se vad den nya rehabiliteringsgarantin innebär. Tanken låter fin på pappret i alla fall. Jag skulle gärna se att den gav färre förtvivlade tvångsfriskförklarade individer.

tisdag 1 september 2009

Love doesn't need handles

Les Mills has become one of the fitness giants in the world. And they deserve to be. Many have lost their hearts, and pounds *!*, to their fitness concepts. I am madly in love with body combat, for example.

To the right you see my favourite commercial for Les Mills through all times. It is so true. It is very common for people to make excuses like "but he/she loves me like I am", and in secret knowing it's just empty excuses. Love does NOT need handles. Not even love for oneself. Or perhaps even ESPECIALLY not love for oneself?

Another picture really pointing the truth out is this one: "Fitness is a battle"! I have worked like a little maniac to lose some weight, and get in better shape the past 6 months, hiring a PT and everything.
So, I worked, and sweat and worked again, and re-thought my eating habits. I suppose people in some way deep down KNOW that exactly that is what it takes to get in shape. But they still tell me "WOW, how fit you've 'become'.". Like I just woke up one day with a nice waist line, without making any kind of effort?

I think that's what people would like to hear. That it's some kind of magic, only granted a few chosen ones. The only magic is JUST DO IT!!! There are no short cuts, no pills, no magic diets, no other way but to eat with your mind present, and exercise. But it's so hard for them to hear, and even harder to accept, that I actually set myself to do something, and even more disturbingly DID it. And they did not... Goddamn I know this bugs quite a few people. But I keep telling what I did to achieve my results. Self deception never got people anywhere, anyway.
So, welcome to the front line with me.